From 9 to 6, I stand guard against zombie language.

I’m a writer, and I spend part of my day in an office.  My coworkers are great, and my job lets me study cool new technology and write about it.  However, some aspects of the business world are less pleasant – mostly, zombie language.

Some context – a “dead metaphor” is a metaphor used so often that all its original creative value has been squeezed away.  Our language is full of metaphors dead so long they might as well be fossilized: “windfall,” “branch of government,” and “run for office” are good examples courtesy of Wikipedia.  Nobody who says they’re running for president next year actually intends to spend the next year running.

Business loves dead metaphors.  Worse, it loves undead metaphors – metaphors that don’t quite work, word-patterns that aren’t dead yet, yet are used such disregard to their original meaning that they might as well be dead.

“I’m going to reach out to her, so we can be sure to loop her in on this issue.  Marketing is certainly in her wheelhouse.  She’ll be able to add a lot of value as we dialogue.”

Does this make you cringe?  It should.  If not, check yourself for infection!  This is the real danger of zombie language: once you’re exposed, you can find yourself speaking it without realizing what you’re doing.

As a guy who likes his technology and his nifty words, far be it from me to decry a good piece of jargon.  But when a lawyer talks about “easement” or “consideration,” she uses those words to describe concepts that cannot be expressed in less than a paragraph by a layman, to a layman.  By contrast, the example above can be rendered just as well in plain English:

“I’m going to call her, because we need to talk to her about this.  She’s good at marketing.  She’ll be able to add a lot to our conversation.”

Zombie language thrives in sales pitches and blog posts, on company websites, and in the mouths of all sorts of business folks.  It gets in the way of real communication, and if you don’t watch out, it might be coming for you next.

Of course, there are advantages to living under constant threat.  I’ve become more watchful of my own language, and my respect has grown for those who rise in the realms of business, politics, and academia without losing their ability to use a fresh image to present an idea, rather than building their arguments with the same tired metaphorical planks.

Still, the battle continues.